August 01

01 Aug '09

Last night, never got around to eating. 9:30 good night so far. 11:45 me outside staring at the moon. 1:45 Can't force my eyes to stay open anymore. Machine sleep now.

7:05am My talking alarm clock goes off, ie: talk too loud downstairs wakes me up.Want / need sleep but no.

10am Borrowed car. Piece of crap no choke stalling.

11am Day to kill and nowehere to go, no-one to see. Hardware store: metal primer, sandpaper, packing tape. Return for storage boxes. Eventual move to a room = nned for mean and lean. Primer for metal lamp I found on the street.

1pm Been to shitty mall: tangelos, donuts, chocolate, potatoes, pizza eaten on bench nect to loudmouth Englishman. Swear he was calling people randomnly to chat about nothing. Parachutists landed on the beach. Loudmouth tried to engage me in conversation, shutdown.

1:10pm Eating a pink frosted donut in the car trying not to drop sprinkles looking at the beach which means nothing to me.

2pm Library closed at noon. Great.

2:05pm Sprint back to shitty mall. Hate it when my guts experience "technical difficulties". Shop in a dollar store. No interest, guts playing up & I need time close to the bathroom. Wonder if security will ask what I am doing.

2:40pm Drive back to beach. Don't want to be back until about 7. Find place to loiter.

2:58 Sitting in shade with T-shirt. Not moving = cold. Walk? Where / why. Bored.

3:06 Japanese tourists take photos. One jumps in the air doing peace sign - kawaiiii. On reviewing pic with group one bent down to show more leg - hello ladies! Life ain't so bad. Fire grey plume behind beachside condos. Burn baby burn. Bet they smell good, like sun, salt & dandelions. Couples on sand lying close or walking. Have another cig or eat a donut?

3:12 55-ish dude styling in creased white pants, hat & a cheap sunrise T-shirt.White to banded yellow & orange on sleeves & bottom. Think his fly is undone. Maybe if he was addicted to heroin he could make this look happen.

3:18 Fire burning strong. Smoke good, smoke remind people of re-birth.

3:20 Girls talking and laughing. I feel like Scorpio in Dirty Harry sitting on railing above beach, watching, waiting. No-one asked if I wanted a bubble tea.

3:22 Japanese girls wandering away. 5 of them. Come over here girls, for your pleasure & mine I would grow 3 extra nipples so you could all suckle at once. When did I last have a real vacation? How many years? Machine.

They seem happy. Twenties? Mother chaperone? A trip of a lifetime for young single Japanese secretaries before the sweet voyage of marriage to a salaryman? I'm wearing dirty camo pants I wore sweating & crawling throug the low crawlspace above the garage where all my shit is stored.

Blue sky, blue sea, fishermen on rocks, girls laughing. AT least my guts seem sorted. Maybe I should buy some TP just in case for when the stores close. Distracted by plane, girls gone, damn. At least thick chking smoke cloud remains. Diffused mushroom: stalk column writhes, hazy spore top. 3 1/2 hours to kill. "What did you do today?", "oh, nothing". I have spoken 4 sentences so far today.

3:40 Car warm & smells of pizza. Requested to return for dinner. ALready thinking of excuses, need to pack for 4 days in the city. Video game, me the machine.

3:45 Pink, yellow & chocolate x2 each in a plastic container. Girl walking past back of my car. Warm fuzzy afternoon sun as seen through the edge of her perscription glasses and clean, black hair.

3:46 Sleep? Eat? Smoke? Stare at cracks in windscreen?

3:49 Sun burning into my neck, back outside. An hour of sunlight left.

There are stages. Today I can't even imagine talking to one of those girls. I could & they'd enojy it, but I'm not into it right now. Maybe tomorrow, matbe next month...

3:58 Do people realize how lucky they are? Strolling arm in arm, $100 blown on over priced lunch & some K-mart trinkets they may never use? Dyed hair & nice clothes to find a man, jogging to lose those few pounds, beachside tracksuits walking retirees, resplendant. Do they ever feel like Scorpio?

4:04 Only 6 minutes has passed? Getting cooler, only brought an unfashionable farm check clanalette shirt. Might go driving randomly. Left MP3 player at my brothers = no tunes.

4:17 Kings Beach, Moffat Beach. Radio: David Lee Roth - Just a Gigolo / I Aint got nobody - wtf? Followed by Men at Work - Land Downunder. Sweet Jesus. Change the frequencey. Perry Como - Papa loves Mambo - why yes, yes he does. Chrome script on Toyota Echo trunk "ECHO' almost looks like 'PEDO' under right / wrong light.

4:22 Follow the coast & you end up in beach carparks whether you want to or not. Elvis song playing "What now my love?" w/ lines like: "all my dreams turned to ashes". Song now = Vanessa Williams = time to get out of car & look at the meaningless sea. Pizza box, drink & donuts on passenger seat looks like I'm on some sort of stakeout. All I need is 1/2 a Pepsi bottle of piss rolling on the floor. Guy walking to beach with dog on leash in one hand, 2 beers in the other.

Ballinger Beach = surf and sea and surfers. These are the days to reflect on the piss & vomit of our forefathers. Waves turn brown, churning sand near shore. Kid has Sesame Street skateboard. Weird surfy druggie tyes. Weirder: Indian guy w/ motorbike helmet asked if I was in the air force.He moved here to continue studying aviation, though I may have been GI Joe Blow. Huh? Is that the vibe I'm giving off? Time to roll.

4:43 Couple of tanned girls putting on wet suits in carpark. Toned muscles from surfing. Bending over to put wetsuit on, bikini bottom rides up. Me eating pizza in car sneaking peaks. Still wearing sunglasses despite setting sun. May have started chewing faster as she struggles to get into wetsuit & prolongs my show. I feel like such a creep.

4:57 Golden Beach. Retirement radio: easy listening covers of Queen's We Are the Champions w/ a pianist tinkling the ivories. Mis-read spors bar sign: 'Rest Home' for 'Next Home Game'. Some club, another sign mis-read: 'Prison Functions Available' for 'Private Functions AVailable'. Maybe I should think about sleepng more.

4:59 New estate cheap pine skeletons. 6 foot plastic bannered fence to hide empty dirt on other side of street. Fire still burning. ANgle changed, low afternoon sun an APocalypse Now smokey mange for a moment.

5:01 Cheap apartment block 'Bella Capri". WHy not just pick random Italian? What about 'Prosciutto Puta' (ham prostitute) or 'Gitano Stilleto' (skinny homosexual)

5:03 Sun is almost set, should have brought night driving glasses. Guts feel odd. Radio says temp. is exactly whay malls set theirs to = primo climate control. Ooh, Frankie Laine's 'Jezebel'. Listen first, amble later "If eber the devil was born / without a set of horns / it was you / Jezebel".

Random driving took me past a fish'n'chips shop I ate at with Cheddar in '05. What a difference a few years makes.

5:21 Sun is setting. If I go home now, I'll be back around 6:15. A couple sleeping over tonght, might not be any midnight strolling for me. All nice & normal here, yessiree. 2 hour train to my fathers tomorrow. Cold clean lines, uncluttered functional living spaces vs dinner with my moter & her friends. Hope someone dominates conversation at dinner tonight, I don't feel like entertaining.

12:59 Meh, midnight stroll toothpick eye openers I need sleep.